Love is Dangerous
by Otaku Kid1996
Summary: L fell in love with the enemy once and now regrets that that can never change. LxBB
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Okay, so I thought about this in class. I've been obsessed with BB lately, so ended up with this. This is probably going to stay a oneshot unless you guys ask for more chapters.

Disclaimer: I dont own anything. Not even a computer to type this with. Phones are evil sometimes... Enjoy.

L's POV

B had finally found me. I am not going lie, this actually frightened me a little. I thought Kira had killed him, so why was he suddenly here? He was covered in scars and his skin bubbled up in a few places. It had been a year since Kira supposedly killed him. I will admit, he did not look that bad. His eyes were black and so was his hair. His hair must have grown since I last saw him when most of it was burned off. It was messy and a little shaggy. He wore the same white long sleeved shirt and blue jeans that I wore. He resembled me in so many ways, with the exception of the scars, if course.

As I looked at him, he grinned. He had a sharpened knife in his left hand.

"L..." he muttered, walking towards me slowly. Bumps were forming on my skin as I heard him say it. "It's a pleasure to see you again. Did you really think you can send me to jail?"

I backed away, but was frozen when I felt my back hit the wall behind me. "Beyond Birthday..." I said, managing to sound like I did not care. "How are you still alive? I believe Kira killed you."

"Yes, that's what you believed. But I came back. I was chosen by shinigami before I was even born. I won't die so easily. What's wrong, L? Are you scared? The man you hate, the man that looks just like you, is about to murder you and get away with it."

"I... Beyond, I do not hate you. You are well aware of that."

"Then who do you hate? Kira?" He got even closer to me. "Now why would you hate Kira? He ended me, as you've stated. Could it be that you still love me?" His face was only inches from mine.

Anyone who knew of BB and I only knew half of the story. We met when I was eight and went to Wammy's. I foolishly fell in love with him. Then I left to become L, A died from suicide, and B left the orphanage. I still loved him. No matter how foolish it was, I could not stop.

I looked down at the floor, unable to lie for once in my life. Beyond used his right hand to pull my face up, forcing me to look into his now peircing red eyes. When had the color changed? Then he brought my lips to his. His lips were still just as warm as they were the day I told him goodbye when I left the orphanage. They were a little more rough, but they were enticing all the same. I kissed him back and wrapped my arms around his neck. Beyond Birthday- the only person I could ever share such emotion and affection with... That almost scared me. Then I felt the knife in my back.

Then I woke up.

"Ryuzaki, are you okay?"

I almost jumped when I heard Light-kun right next to me. Then I remebered that I added the hand cuffs yesterday. Well, then.

"I am fine, why do you ask, Light-kun?" I lied.

"Because you woke up breathing like you just ran a marathon."

"Hmm... I see... In any case, I am fine, Light-kun. Shall we have breakfast?"

The whole time we ate, I thought of Beyond Birthday. The one thing that never changed was that my feelings were always the same. But I could never tell anyone about that, ever. It was just another secret for me to keep. L cannot afford to be weakened by an emotion like "love". It was dangerous to be so soft.

A/N: Okay so what do you think? Originally, I was just going to have BB kill him but I decided against that. If I continue the story, BB eventually does come back and the dream was more of a warning from him. If I leave it there, it was just a nightmare in which L was actually scared. You decide. Let me know what you think I should do and if you liked this or not.

Ja ne!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Okay, so real quick to anyone who has been reading Second Chances, sorry but there isnt going to be an update till the end of the week. The good news is that over here, I'm almost done for the year with school so I'll have more time to write starting this Wednesday. Yay? Well, thank you guys for reading this story and here is the second chapter. I always wanted to try a BBxL fic, so this is what came from it. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: It's a disclaimer for a reason... -_-

Ever wonder why I originally took a personal interest in the Kira case? The last time I'd had a dream about B, I woke up the next day to find out that Kira had killed him. Although I may sound selfish, it was originally my personal goal to get revenge for him that got me into the Kira case. I knew that B was somewhat insane and a murderer however, I still loved B. Loving him was a mistake, I was well aware of that. However, that did not stop me, now did it?

I knew that it was not just a coincidence that B came to me in a dream the night that he was killed. I was 85% sure about that. And now, I am 98.5% sure about it. He showed up in my dream speaking of shinigamis... I fear that he may be coming back like this last dream had indicated.

What did they ever do with his body when he died? I never did find out... I'd have to make sure that I researched that soon.

...

"Hey, Ryuzaki, what are you looking at on that computer screen? Did you find any leads on the case?"

Light-kun was trying to get a peek at the screen from over my shoulder. Light-kun seemed to be what some people preferred to call "nosey" when it came to bothering me. I think it was his personal goal to bother me sometimes...

"No, I did not find anything. Please return to your work, Light-kun."

"Well, what are you searching for, then?"

I sighed. "If you really must know, I am looking at records belonging to an old... colleague of mine."

"So... You're stalking a friend of yours? That's a little creepy."

"No, I am not 'stalking' anyone," I said, narrowing my eyes.

Then Light-kun managed to push my chair a little over to the side and looked at the screen I was watching.

"Hey, Ryuzaki, this 'Beyond Birthday' guy looks just like you," he said. (a/n: understatment of the year. .-.)

"I am aware of that, Light."

"Hey this... Is a criminal record... Your friend went ti jail?"

"... Yes, Light... As a matter of fact, he did..." I wished he would just go away already. Now, he was starting to get on my nerves.

"Hmmm... What else... died of a... Oh..." At last, he backed away. I looked up, glaring at him. He had his right hand on the back of his neck and was looking down at the floor awkwardly. "Sorry, Ryuzaki... Was he a vitim of Kira's?"

I answered with a quick "yes," and looked back at the screen. I looked at the pictures if Beyond... There was a picture of him from his days at Wammy's and a picture of his burned body laying on the floor of the apartment room where he attempted suicide. There was another picture of him, a mugshot, in which he was still badly burned. I quickly looked back to the picture of him back when he was at Wammy's.

He was actually happy back in those days. I was still living at Wammy's and I was barely discovering my feelings towards him. I was sixteen years old while he was 15 years old. In the picture, he was actually smiling. I never really understood how people thought we looked the same. When I looked at myself in a mirror, there was nothing in particular to look at... But when I saw Beyond Birthday, despite our similarities, he was different. I could actually see what some people word as "beauty"... In my eyes, something about Beyond Birthday to me was beautiful... Maybe I was insane? I suppose it is because I myself never really understood the concept of beauty. However, that was what came to mind when I looked at him. Perhaps I am just a fool.

I looked down to see if he was cremated or buried... But this was just strange. When I looked, it said his body went missing shortly after he died. How on Earth does one lose a dead body?

I suddenly felt a deep sinking feeling in my stomach. Could B possibly be alive? Was that dream really a warning? I was afraid, yet at the same time... I was hopeful. My chest started to ache a little. I wanted B to come back, but I was still afraid. These feelings I was having were so conflicting.

Light-kun said something but I refused to listen. When he tried to get my attention I refused to look up at him. When he shook my shoulders asking if I was alright... My only answer was a single tear rolling down my cheek.

...

I ended up getting no work what so ever done throughout the whole day. I just sat in the bedroom that Light-kun and I were currently sharing on the bed, not paying any attention to anything at all. That night when Light-kun finally went to sleep I just sat there, looking at the screen on my laptop.

Missing... But how..?

"Hello, L."

I knew that voice anywhere. I looked up to see Beyond Birthday standing by the foot of the bed, watching me with red eyes. He looked just the same as he did in my dream. Was this really happening?

"What's wrong, L? You look as though you've seen a g-"

"Please, B do not start with that pun right now." He just chuckled at me after I said it. "Is this real? How are you even here?"

"I believe I already answered that, didn't I? In that little dream I left for you... And yes, this is quite real." He grinned as he walked over to my side of the bed and then looked over my shoulder at the laptop that I was looking at before he made his appearance known. "Oh, so you are looking me up, now?"

I could feel my face getting hot, but I hoped that he could not see me blushing. He bent over a little until his mouth was right above my ear. I could feel his breath against my right ear and neck. I shivered slightly as I could feel slight goosebumps start to form on my arms.

"You know, L..." he started, "You never did answer my question... Do you still love me?"

I wanted to deny it. I wanted to have the strength to tell Beyond to leave. I even wanted to hate him at this point. But I could not. I was not capable of lying to Beyond Birthday...

"Y-you... know that I still do... Now, please move your mouth away from my ea- hnngh!" I was cut off as I felt his teeth lightly nibble on my ear. I wanted to pull away but I could not. He licked the shell of my ear lobe and I had to bite my lip to keep from moaning...

"Admitting defeat like this, L? How unlike you."

"Just leave... You do not love me like you did when we were children at Wammy's. You have no purpose here. If you wish to kill me then please get it over with.."

"Oh?" he chuckled. "You'd rather die by my hands than Kira's, is that it? Well too bad. I have no intention of killing you right now. I love you, L Lawliet. Make no mistake about that. I just have an interesting way if showing it.."

I finally looked him in the eyes. They were black again and filled with amusement and... something else.. Perhaps it really was love? I wanted his words to be true, but I could not afford to believe him.

Then he kissed me.

His lips were warm... I felt a strange fluttering feeling in my stomach. I kissed him back and wrapped my arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around my waist. He used one hand to close the laptop and set it on the floor then went back to holding me. Then, he got on top of me and straddled my hips. I almost moaned, but there was no way that I would allow that. He slipped his tongue into my mouth, making it dance with mine... He tasted like blood and strawberry jam... I didn't even want to know where that first one came from. Then there was a noise to my left and just like that, B was gone.

Light-kun stirred awake. I felt foolish for forgetting about his presence. He sat up and looked at me. His face expression said, "How the Hell did you manage to wake me up this time?" And just like that, tears were rolling down my face again. B had to be playing a game.

And I had already lost.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Oh my gosh guys, I'm so sorry for the late as Hell update! I usually try not to take longer than a week but a few things came up and I was REALLY stressed out... But now here it is, the next chapter. Oh, there is going to be slight sadism/masochism in this fic sorry for not warning sooner but I originally wasn't goin to do that... But it's BB and so I had the urge to do it. It does have a part in the plot, though, you'll see. It won't go too far, don't worry. Also, this chapter shows some of that in a little make out scene here. Not too much I don't think.. ... Maybe too much... Idk... Next chapter, yay! So please enjoy!

Disclaimer: This disclaimer goes for this chapter and all the chapters to come. I own nothing.

"Ryuzaki, are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes, Light-kun," I answered, sighing. "Now, please get back to work."

Why was Light-kun so worried lately? Was it all an act, perhaps? Before his confinement, he would not have acted so worried about me. If the theory about Kira's power moving from one person to another was correct, then it could be that Light-kun has simply changed. However, if he was in fact still Kira, he may be trying to get closer and earn L's trust by pretending to care about me. Then there is the possibility, which I refuse to accept, that Light-kun really wasn't Kira in the first place and may actually be concerned about my well-being seeing as how we are now "friends"...

I looked at Light-kun until he finaly gave up and went back to working on his computer. Since I had a "breakdown" last night as Light-kun was calling it, we were having a break from work for the day. The task force members offered to monitor us from the screens that are hooked up to the cameras but I told them not to as we are short handed already and they should not stop working when they are expected to work. Perhaps it was a bad excuse. I just did not want them watching me because they suddenly pitied me. I am L and I am perfectly capable of handling myself. Watari was only a phone call away if anything happened.

Light-kun insisted that he still work and originally I was going to work as we were both using laptops in our living room area on the coffee table. I was going to work, really, but as I looked at the screen on my laptop, I was continuing a game of online chess.

I will admit, whoever I was facing was quite impressive himself. He managed to avoid almost all of my traps, but I knew I would win. He overlooked one little thing, leaving himself open. Checkmate.

"Bastard!" I heard Light-kun call out.

"Something wrong, Light-kun?"

"Oh, it's nothing, Ryuzaki..."

I grinned. Of course... "Is Light-kun perhaps, a sore loser as one would call it?"

"What? No! I... Oh, that was you...?"

"Hn, indeed... Light-kun really needs to work on his defenses. A good offense means nothing if your defense is weak."

Light looked down at the screen looking rather embarrassed. I was getting hungry... Hmmm... I pulled out a cell phone from my pocket and dialed a number. On the second ring, I heard Watari answer with a, "Yes, Ryuzaki?" I checked the time on my laptop. It was already 12:30.

"Watari, could you please get us some lunch?"

"Of course, L. I will be right up."

"Thank you," I said before hanging up the phone and placing it next to my laptop. I played another game of chess with Light-kun before Watari came in with a cart containing all of my favorite sweets. I thanked him and he left. I offered Light-kun some sweets, but he quickly declined.

I started a new game of chess but with a different apponent. As I played, I ate some strawberry and chocolate flavored pocky. My apponent was much better than Light-kun. Whoever he was, he countered my every move. We had three stalemates and were nearing a fourth. I thought I finally had him but I foolishly overlooked one little thing and so he took my queen. Then it only took him two more moves to beat me.

"I win, L," I jumped a little as I heard the voice from behind me. I whipped around to see who it was, but saw no one. My heart was beating fast and I was suddenly panting. That was B right now, I knew it.

"Ryuzaki, are you alright?" Light said, getting my attention. I turned back around and looked at him. He seemed geniunely concerned.

"I am fine, Yagami-kun," I answered. "Just hungry."

I looked over at the cart of sweets and helped myself to some cheescake with extra sugar sprinkled on top. I considered making it sweeter, but decided against it.

How exactly did Beyond do that? Was it a trick? Perhaps he was no longer human.. Or perhaps it was all in my head. I thought back to last night... It had to be real. Those lips were real... His touch was real... No way was that a hallucination. And just now, well I wasn't sure... Suddenly, I wasn't so hungry anymore.

"Uhm, Ryuzaki?"

"Yes?" I said, not taking my eyes from the screen on my laptop.

"I... Well, I want to take a shower, now.." He seemed quite embarrased. I myself could not see what the problem was.

"Well then, by all means, take a shower, Light-kun," I said, biting my thumb nail.

"B.. but..."

"Light-kun, what is the problem? I never said that you were not permitted to bathe."

"Well, yeah, but... Ryuzaki I..." He seemed to be having troubles with speaking. He was blushing brightly and fidgeting in his seat. What was going on? Light never acted like this. "Ryuzaki, I'd like to bathe alone..."

Oh. That was perfectly understandable, I suppose.

"I am sorry, Light-kun, but I must accompany you at ALL times. No exceptions."

"But..."

"Light-kun, I am quite sure that you have been in a public bath at least once or at least showered amongst others around your age in gym class. This should be no different."

"I..." He looked defeated. Why was Light-kun shying away now of all times? It's not like there is much I have not seen what with the security cameras that were installed in his house in the past. Sure, that may seem "creepy" to some people, but it was necessary.

"Light-kun, why does this suddenly matter all of a sudden? We are both males, so it is not like you'll have anything that I have not already witnessed before. Surely you do not believe Miss Amane's accusations about me being a 'pervert'? Even if I were a 'pervert', I am not personaly interested in you in that way, so..." My voice trailed off as realization hit me. How was I not capable of seeing this sooner? He had obvious signs... No, I could not assume such things until it was confirmed.

"Light-kun, if it really matters that much to you, I will wait outside of the bathroom door as you bathe and dress yourself. This goes for any other needs in which you require the restroom. However, that is the only time these handcuffs shall be removed. Do I make myself clear?"

Light-kun nodded gratefully. Well, now things were a little more... Interesting.

...

As I waited for Light-kun outside of the bathroom door, I sat crouched down on the floor next to it. This was going to be a boring wait.

"There you are, L."

I almost jumped- almost- at the sound of Beyond's voice. However, I managed to sit there and appear as if I was expecting this to happen. Well, I really should have expected it but I didn't. I looked up at B and saw him smiling down at me. The grin was somewhat demented. His eyes were glowing red. How often did the colour change and why?

"Beyond... Why do your eyes do that?"

"Oh, the change in colour? You see, I have the eyes of a shinigami, Lawli-kun. Normally, people aren't supposed to be able to see this little detail. But, since I'm not like most humans, I can manipulate who sees them when I use them."

"What are they for? Why do you use them around me?"

"That is a explanation for a later day. How have you been, Lawli-chan?"

"Please do not call me that, Beyond." He only chuckled at me in response. "Why do you keep vanishing like that? I am starting to believe that you are simply a hallucination."

"Do not worry, I am not a hallucination. I just do not wish for 'Light-kun' to see me."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Beyond, why are you doing this to me? What purpose do you have here?"

He chuckled again. "Well, Lawli-kun, how rude." He walked over to where I was sitting and crouched down to my level. "Can't I just want to see you? It certaintly has been a long time since we 'made love'." I could feel my face getting warm and he only laughed at my reaction. "We haven't been very 'intimate' since you left me behind at Wammy's House. I miss you."

"Then why does it sound as if you are just mocking me?"

"Perhaps I am, Lawli. That does not mean I cannot be sincere at the same time. As I have stated before, I love you. I just show it a little differently than others."

"A little? That is it? You are a sadist, B. Your way of showing affection is hurting people."

"But you never protested in the past," he said, grinning even wider than before. "Oh, and L, I heard that you put my alias to good use. That Yagami kid called you Ryuzaki, did he not?"

I felt defeated. This was a game that I could never win.

"No answer, L?" he said, his nose only a few centimeters from mine. I could feel my face get hot and my heart beat faster in my chest. Beyond placed the palm of his right hand against my chest, letting his long pale fingers rest there. He chuckled again. "So, Lawliet, what are you feeling right now to produce such a heart beat? Could it be fear? Or perhaps love?"

I stayed completely still, not daring to answer. I looked into his red eyes. It was fear that I was feeling at the moment. Complete and utter fear. For a moment, his eyes were black again and they had real emotion in them. "Are you really afraid of me...?" he asked. I couldn't bring myself to answer. For that one moment, he was sad... And perhaps even lonely. This was how I saw Beyond the day I left Wammy's house. So sad... My fear left me, causing me to act on impulse. I pulled him into my arms.

It was an awkward hug to say the least, especially considering how we were sitting. But he actually held me back. With my arms holding him around the waist and his arms around my shoulders we sat ther for a while, just like that.

"... I am sorry, Beyond..." I could not help but say it. I did this to him and he knew it. This was my fault.

I pulled back a little, still holding on to him. I immediately remembered our time at the orphanage together where there were more moments like this and I was not afraid of losing him. Those were the days in which I was able to show emotion because I wasn't worried about attachment. And why would I be? I wasn't L yet.

I looked into B's eyes once again. They were still black... There was no anger or hatred or anything frightening that I would have seen had they been red again. He leaned in slowly and I could feel chills going down my spine. He kissed me gently at first, which was something I wasn't used to. Then he deepened the kiss and it got rougher. I kissed him back, not listening to what my instincts where telling me to do (which was probably around the lines of "stop it, dumb ass.")

We broke apart for a moment and we were both panting. We kissed once again and B slipped his tongue into my mouth, making me hold back a moan. Our tongues collided and danced inside my mouth. He still tasted like blood and jam, but oddly enough, I liked it.

B moved our bodies so that my back was no longer against the wall and pushed me down so that I was lying on the floor under him. He broke the kiss again, and pinned my wrists above my head with both hands while straddling my hips. I was still panting and feeling flushed. I just... wanted him to keep going...

B bent down and kept his mouth above my ear, making me shiver. "Say it," he whispered.

"Say... What...?"

"I want you to tell me that you love me, Lawli. Beg for more... Stop holding in your moans."

"...N-No..."

"Do it," he said, digging his nails into my wrists. I silently cursed myself for not making anyone monitor us on the screens. I moaned, knowing full well that it was wrong to do so when in pain. "Come on, Lawlipop. Do it, now." He pressed even harder, breaking the skin.

I moaned out again and said something that I never thought I'd hear myself say ever again after leaving Wammy's. "Beyond... I-i..."

"Come on, say it," he said, grinning. I could see a red tinge forming on the edges of his irises.

"I... l-love you, Beyond... Pl-eease... Do not stop..."

"Why of course, Lawliet."

This was humiliating. I gave in so easily... I lost so quickly... I was so weak... I hated myself for being so foolish.

Beyond went down to my neck. I expected him to bite it, but instead he trailed kisses up my neck and on my jaw line. Why was he being gentle all of a sudden? Then, as if knowing that I was thinking it, Beyond broke some of the skin on my wrists some more and even left scratches. I gasped. He kissed me roughly before licking the blood off my wrists and kissing me once more.

I was disgusting, I knew that much. But I could not stop the moans that were coming out in response to what he was doing.

He chuckled again and the kiss ended. "I love you too, Lawli." His eyes were red once again and he looked more frightening. "Goodbye, now. I'll come back for you in a week."

"Wha-"

And just like that, he was suddenly gone. I sat up in my usual position by the door if the bathroom once again and tried to control myself. I was able to hide any trace of emotion. I could have fooled Light-kun. And for a while, I did. But I knew that it was only a matter of time before he saw my wrists. And when that happened, he would no doubt think I was suicidal or depressed.

I couldn't tell him about B, of course. Nor could I make up some excuse as to how it wasn't me if I was around him 24/7. This was going to be a long week...

A/N: Okay, well I want your opinion on the little scene here. Let me know if I should make it less of a sadist/masochist thing here. This was sorta... more of an experiment at first and originally wasn't going to turn out like that. So again, let me know if I should tone it down a little... .-. Thanks for reading, reviews are appreciated.

Ja ne!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Hey, sorry I havent updated in forever. Updates won't always be quick, especially when I'm stuck writing this all out with a phone. I promise that I will not abandon this story, though! Thanks for still reading, guys! Oh, this chapter has a scene from the actual anime in it, and so with that being said, my timeline here obviously won't follow the original at all. But it IS a fan fiction, so... Yeah. Enjoy!

The whole week went by slowly. Nothing really happened. We found nothing relating to the Kira case at all. I was starting to think that it was a lost cause. Light Yagami had to be Kira... But was it possible that I was wrong all along? Was it all really for nothing?

I had promised myself that I would catch Kira for Beyond's sake. Even if Beyond did turn out to be alive, I could not fail him now. I wanted to catch Kira already. But... What if that isn't even a possibility, now?

Beyond is alive. If I were to die now... No, I was well aware of the risks I was taking when I decided to take on this case. But... At that time, I had nothing to lose if I were to die. Now if I did... What if I never even caught Kira? Did anyone really care if I caught him, anymore? Over time, more and more people were beginning to side with Kira.

I... do not understand what this feeling was... Suddenly, I did not care about what happened regarding this case. It was all for nothing at this point. I did not want to do anything at all. I think I was... depressed. All I wanted at the moment was to see Beyond again. But it had already been a full week and and he had yet to make an appearance.

I wished we could just get back to our room.. But I had to sit through, yet another, dull date with Light and Misa. We just sat there while the two of them were talking. I didn't really care enough at the moment to actually hear what Misa was talking about this time.

Light was sitting next to me, crossing his arms, on a couch that was across from the one that Miss Amane sat on. There was a rectangular coffee table seperating the two couches that had a plate of cake on each of them.

About halfway through my slice of cake, I listened to the conversation that was going on. Misa was resting her head on the back of her hand and pouting. I assume she thought that doing so made her look "cute".

"Man, this has gotta be the lamest date I've ever been on," she complained.

I finished my cake and began to stare at Misa's untouched cake with my fork still in my mouth.

"No, no, no," I said, "Please, just pretend that I'm not even here, okay? By the way," I said, pointing at her cake. "Are you gonna eat that piece of cake?"

"Cake makes you fat. I'm not gonna eat any."

"Actually, I find that you don't gain weight as long as you burn calories by using your brain."

"Hmph! So now, you're calling me stupid?!" Perhaps I was. "Fine then, I'll give you the piece of cake as long as you agree to leave me and Light alone!" She was leaning forward on her seat.

"Even if I leave you two alone, I'm still gonna be watching you on surveillance cameras, so it wouldn't make any difference."

"You pervert! Could you stop it with your creepy hobby?!"

"You can call me whatever you like," I answered, standing up with my right foot on the couch and my left foot on the table. I reached down, grabbing her plate and saying, "Last chance for cake."

"Okay then," she replied as I sat down, making a weird yet irritated face at me. "I'll just close the curtains and turns off all the lights."

I heard Light let out a sigh of irritation.

"We have infrared cameras as well," I countered, taking a bite of the delicious cake. Misa just glared at me and made an irritated "mmmn" sound. Light looked over at me and finally spoke up.

"What's wrong with you? I thought moving here was supposed to help us catch Kira. But since we've been here, you don't seem all that motivated to me."

"Not motivated..." I thought about that before answering honestly. "You're right. Actually, I'm depressed."

"Depressed? What for?" Light-kun sounded concerned, but I wasn't sure if he was genuinely worried or not.

"Well, mmph," I took another bite out of the cake. "Truthfully, I thought all this time that you were Kira, and my entire case depended on that fact. I guess I can't get passed the fact that my deduction was... wrong... Having said that, I'm still suspicious of you, that's why we're wearing these." I lifted up my right arm to show the cuff around my wrist.

"And we also know that Kira can control people's actions... Which means that it is highly likely that he was controlling your actions so that I would suspect you. If I assume that both you and Misa were being controlled by Kira, then everything we've observed so far makes sense to me."

"If that's what you think," Light spoke up, "Misa and I were both Kira during the time that we were being controlled, right?"

"Yes, I don't think I could have been wrong about that. The two of you were Kira... If what I'm thinking is correct, then at the beginning of your confinement, you were Kira. Until then, everything pointed to you..."

"That's an interesting idea..." Light said, thoughtfully, "But if that's true, it will be nearly impossible to catch Kira."

"Yes, that is why I'm overwhelmed. Even if we catch someone under his control, they'll likely lose their powers and any memories of their crimes. So in the end, pursuing them becomes futile."

"But at this point, we have no way of knowing if that's the case. Cheer up, would ya?"

"Cheer up? No, I'm sorry, I can't..." Not without B here... Not without a way of seeing him without Light's interference... And definitely, not without any way of catching Kira. "It's probably better if I just stop trying so hard."

I set the cake down, leaned back, and chewed my thumb nail before continuing. "By chasing Kira so desperately, we're only putting our lives at risk for nothing. Yes, it's just a waist of time..."

Light stood up, saying, "Ryuzaki?"

I looked up at him. "Huh?" Suddenly, I felt a blinding pain in my left cheek as Light punched me. The force sent me flying back, causing me to land on the floor lying down. A quick glimpse showed me that the cake and coffee table went down as well.

Misa shrieked and then made a somewhat disgusted noise. From the looks of it, she stepped in some cake. What a waste...

I sat up, saying, "Hnn you know, that really hurt."

"That's enough, Ryuzaki! You don't feel like doing anything, just because your 'genius' deduction was wrong and I'm not Kira?!"

I wiped my mouth on my sleeve, my cheek still stinging with the pain. "Mmn, fine perhaps I phrased it the wrong way. I meant that it would be pointless for us to make a move so we shouldn't even bother."

"If we don't chase Kira, he'll never be caught! Is that what you want?" He walked over to where I was still sitting. "If you were just gonna give up, then why'd you involve all those innocent people?!" He lifted me up to my feet, holding me by the shirt. Our faces were extremely close and it seemed like he was blushing for a moment. He ignored it and continued to yell at me. "More importantly, what was the point of putting Misa and me behind bars?"

I recall you requesting such a thing...

"I understand, but still... Whatever the reason..." I ducked down and did a round house kick, hitting Light in the face. "An eye for an eye, my friend."

The force pulled the both of us onto the couch, making it fall back. I sat up as Light was still recovering.

"It's not my deduction that was wrong. The fact is, I could say that Light Yagami is Kira, and that Misa Amane is the second Kira, but it won't be enough to solve the case. And that's why I'm a little depressed. Is that so unreasonable?" We were both standing, now.

"Yes, yes it is. Besides, you should hear yourself. It's as if you won't be satisfied unless I AM Kira!"

"I... won't be satisfied unless you're Kira...?" I thought about it for a moment. "Well, there may be some truth to that... In fact, now that you mention it, you're right. I think I wanted you to be Kira."

I braced myself for another punch, but it never came. Instead, I felt something grab me by the legs and pull me down, causing me to fall on my backside. What the Hell? Was that Light? I looked up at him to see a fist held in the air where my face would have been. Then it had to be...

"Beyond..." I muttered. I swept my right foot under his legs, making him fall on his face. We both stood back up, holding on to each other by the front of our shirts. He was about to hit me just as I was getting ready to kick him again.

I looked behind Light and saw a pair of angry red eyes. He really did show up... He was here... "Beyond..." I practically whispered.

"What was that?" Light asked, turning his head to see what I was looking at. The eyes were gone. "What're you looki-"

Then the phone rang. I got away from Light and answered it only to hear Matsuda babbling on about Misa. I wasn't really paying much attention to what he was saying. When he stopped talking, I said, "Oh, you don't say?" He just kept talking, something about a movie, so I just hung up on him.

"Who was that?" Light asked.

"Hmm, Matsuda's acting stupid again."

"Well, that is his specialty..."

I stood up from the crouched position I was in when answering the phone and assisted Light-kun with putting the furniture back up and cleaning up the cake mess.

Speaking with Light-kun just now, I was honest. Just not completely honest. I was depressed for those reasons, however, being depressed was not the only reason for my lack of motivation. You see, I have been completely unable to concentrate at all. My mind has been occupied by none other than Beyond Birthday.

I wished to see him again, and honestly, the thought of missing him like that still scared me. I was already losing this little game of his. But this... I was practically already admitting defeat... I hated being in this position, but I just wanted to see Beyond once again.

I waited that whole day, hoping he would appear again. But he didn't show up. I should have known... it was probably just a lie all along... That night while Light-kun was sound asleep, I was on my laptop. I was trying, yet failing, to concentrate on the Kira case.

Suddenly, the room was really cold. I felt as if I was being watched. I looked up to see B's glowing red eyes.

"Beyond..."

He did not respond. He just stood there at the edge of the bed, glaring at Light.

"It would seem..." he said, walking over to Light's side of the bed. "That Yagami's life span is too long... Well, longer than I would prefer..."

He knew Light-kun's life span? He was standing over Light, now bent over so that his face was only inches from Light's.

"B-Beyond?"

"How dare this disgusting excuse for a human lay a hand on MY Lawli-chan? He must be... Punished. I am the only person permitted to lay even a finger on Lawli-chan. Even if it's harmful in any way."

He reached up a hand to Light's face. Then he did the same with his other hand. He was about to...

"Beyond, stop!" I hissed. "Do not kill him."

Beyond removed his hands from Light. He stood up and looked over at me.

"But, I could end him so easily. Just... One little twist and-"

"Please, Beyond. Do not do it."

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Then what do you want me to do, Lawliet?"

I pulled a small key out of a pocket in my jeans. Perhaps I was insane for doing this, but I was not really thinking rationally. Besides, Light-kun was asleep anyways. I unlocked the cuff that was around my wrist. I stood up, placing the key back inside my pocket.

"Join me," I said.

Red eyes became black. And I even saw a warm smile light Beyond's face. I actually missed his smiles... He walked over to where I was standing. Then, we made our way into the living room where we sat down on one of the couches.

"Did you miss me, Lawlipop?" he teased. I felt my face getting warmer. He chuckled. "Still easy to mess with, I see."

I looked down at the floor. Beyond moved me, much to my surprise, so that I was sitting on top of his lap. This was the first time in a while that I was sitting "normally". We sat like that for a while. I expected him to be cold. But instead, he was really warm. I found myself not wanting to move from that spot.

He had his face in my neck and was kissing me softly. I arched my back into him. I didn't understand why he was being so gentle. I thought that such kindess left him when we agreed to stop these types of things... But he was still starting out gently.

"Mmnnn... Beyond..?"

He stopped for a moment. "Yes?"

"You... really do still love me...?"

He brought his face back to my neck and said, "Hmn, of course I do, Lawli-chan. I've said it quite a few times already..." He left kisses, once again. I felt my chest flutter.

"I... love you... too..." I didn't want to admit it again, but I could not keep myself from saying it.

"Prove it..."

"Huh? How?"

I felt myself being flipped around and thrown into the couch. I looked up to see B already straddling me and pinning my shoulders down. I saw a hint of red around his pupils. He kissed me roughly on the lips. I kissed back, savoring the flavor of blood and jam that could only belong to Beyond Birthday.

He grabbed my wrists and said, "Let's just start with this, okay?" I knew what was coming next. I just nodded in response to what he said.

Beyond dug his nails into my wrists, breaking some of the skin. I moaned, feeling disgusted with myself for liking the pain as much as I did. He kissed me again, slipping his tongue into my mouth and playing with mine. He pressed his nails in even deeper and I moaned once again.

He broke away, still holding my wrists and looked down at me for a moment. I was already panting, my eyes were half lidded. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small blade. I bit my lip in an attempt to calm myself down.

He got the blade and held to my right wrist. I tried to protest, but he ignored that and ran it across the skin. It wasn't nearly deep enough to do any damage. But deep enough to bleed for a while.

"B-Beyond..."

He bent down and licked up the blood. I tried to hold back any noises, but failed. "Hnng... Bey... Ahh... S... stop..."

He only continued to lick the blood before returning to my lips and kissing me again. I could taste my own blood. I kissed back hungrily. Then I felt my "little friend" up... Damn it.

"Oh, is someone a little 'excited'?" His eyes were red again. He now had a frightening look on his face. "Hmm, too bad for you." He chuckled. "I'll see you later, Lawli-kun. It was fun." Then he grinned and just like that, he was gone.

I was alone again. I... I couldn't move! Damn it, B! Just what did he do to me that I couldn't move?! Now I had no way of dealing with my "little problem", and I was stuck waiting here until someone woke up. He sure was evil when he wanted to be... -_-

Suddenly, I was exhausted... Without realizing it, I drifted off to sleep...

A/N: Okay, it's 2:56 right now, so sorry if this sucks. I'm also just a little rusty at this since it's been a while. Uhm... Not much to say here. Hope you enjoyed so far. And please, review!

Ja ne!


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:**** Well, here is the next chapter for my lovely and faithful readers! There is a little bit LxLight in this chapter, but don't worry! L belongs to Beyond in this story. Thanks to everyone who has been reading so far and for being patient when I'm really late! ENJOY!**

That morning, I knew that things were completely ruined.

"Ryuzaki! What the Hell did you do to your arms?! Why are you out here when you're supposed to be monitoring me, huh?"

I opened my eyes and sat up quickly. Light was holding me by the wrists, looking at the scratches and the cut that Beyond had made last night. Well, wasn't this wonderful?

"Ryuzaki, answer me! Are you really so depressed that you'll go this far?!"

I flinched. What was that… look in his eyes? He seemed concerned… No. It was all an act. It had to be. "Light-kun, please do not act as if you are concerned about my health. It only leads me to believe that you truly are Kira and you are only pretending so that you may get closer to me. It is now up to 10%."

"That's bullshit and you know it! First of all, there is no way it's barely at a 10%. Chances are, it's already up to maybe 98%! Second of all, I'm just worried, you idiot! Now tell me what happened!"

"Beyond Birthday, the person I once believed to be dead, has come back using some sort of power that only a shinigami could possess. He comes here sometimes to torture me and fill my sick, masochistic needs."

Light just stared at me like I grew an extra head and then proceeded to yell, once again. "Damnit, L! Stop lying for at least 5 minutes and tell me why you have cuts on your wrists!"

I knew he wouldn't believe me if I had told him the truth… I took a deep breath, let it out, and lied easily. "Well, Light-kun, it's as you've stated. I am simply that depressed."

"You're not going to… kill yourself or anything, are you?"

"Of course not, Light. I am simply feeling down." I thought of some of the victims that I'd had to work with in the past. What would they have said…?

"But why? Why would you turn to _that?_"

What would they say….. "Light-kun… I… do it because the… physical pain that I receive while making the cuts… is enough for me to ignore or even deal with any emotional pain that I may be feeling at the moment."

"L…"

I said nothing after that. His facial expression… Perhaps he truly was concerned about my well-being. His eyes… They were no longer the eyes of a killer. I was confused. He had to be Kira. But… I was not so sure, anymore.

"L, I..." he seemed to be at a loss for words.

I was shocked when I suddenly felt him pulling me closer to him. He wasn't going to harm me now, was he? Of course he was. What else would Kira have done at this point? No... I only wanted Beyond to do such a thing. Maybe I needed to rethink that because I am quite sure that to anyone else, that sounded insane. I flinched and pulled away.

"L, I'm not going to hurt you. Please, don't shy away like an abused pet."

Was that what I was doing? I looked down at my lap and muttered, "Alright." He pulled me in again. He was... hugging me? Then I knew that I was right about him... I just was not sure if this was something I wanted to accept...

Light... he was attracted to me... In fact, he was probably "in love" with me. No, there was no doubt about it. Light Yagami was in love with me. But it is not like I was capable of returning such feelings. I wasn't even returning the hug. I wonder why he was being so... what would the word be? Hmn... "soft"? No... "Gentle". He was being gentle, but why?

My only real relationship with anyone, ever was with Beyond Birthday. That includes friendships. What? It's not as if I ever tell the truth when I talk to Light, anymore. I simply cannot trust him. Do you expect me to truly see someone like him as a friend? I have no problems with lying to him. Although, I did feel a tad bit guilty, seeing how things were right now.

Beyond and I had a rather... sadistic and masochistic relationship, even when we were back at Wammy's. I... suppose I should not assume that such acts are normal... However, I did. But Light was being nothing but gentle... He was actually just holding me...

Why was I perfectly capable of analyzing this and even having possible second thoughts NOW, but I could not do so when I was around Beyond Birthday? Did love really make people so irrational and foolish? Letting your lover harm you could not be considered "normal", right?

I was not attrated to Light in that way, but I was a tad bit curious. What if I had fallen in love with someone who did not harm me to show their love? What if I were to do romantic acts with someone who didn't need to cut my wrists or bite me until I bled? What if I loved someone who was gentle and more... kind? Perhaps what I was about to do was an idiotic move, but I had to test this... What it felt like...

So, obviously without thinking, I pulled away just a little and looked into Light's eyes before pressing my lips against his. They were warm and soft... It did not take him long to kiss me back. It felt different... It felt like... Well, nothing. When I kissed Beyond, I actually felt something. I felt loved and I felt safe and... happy, even. I felt like this, even if I was in pain.

With Light, this was merely skin contact. This was not something that I wanted. I wanted Beyond and everything that came with him. This was nothing like that and it certainly did not compare.

I pulled away, feeling rather disgusted and ashamed of myself. Light was blushing and looked rather puzzled.

"...L...?"

"..."

"L... Please, say something. I'm really sorry! I... I..."

"Light-kun, please do not apologize to me. I am the one who initiated the kiss. I, however, am very sorry."

"Huh?"

I saw Beyond close behind him, glaring at me but didn't dare to look at him directly. Instead, I continued to look Light in the eyes. Why was Beyond keeping that much distance when he clearly wanted to grab Light by the throat and... Well, you get my point.

"I am not... in the right state of mind right now. I was not thinking straight when I initiated such a thing. I am sorry for doing such a thing, for I am not attracted to you in that way. Please forgive my foolish behavior." I think I was talking to Beyond as well as Light.

Light's shoulders sagged and he looked hurt. "Oh..." Then he smiled at me and said, "It's no big deal, Ryuzaki." I could see in his eyes that he was lying. "I'm not really... into guys anyways, so that's okay. Let's just forget that this ever happened, okay?"

I nodded. He seemed to be used to sheilding himself and lying easily to people... 99%... no, maybe it was a 98.5%... yes...

...

Well, by 12:00, everyone in the task force seemed to be more quiet than usual. Even Matsuda was not pestering me with useless banter. Something had to be wrong. I put the plate that I had been holding that had a now half eaten slice of cheese cake on it. I stood up and looked around at the members of the task force. Light looked up at me, cautiously. The cuff on my wrist pulled my arm a little to my left where Light was still sitting as I faced everyone in the room. It rubbed up against my cut painfully, making me wince.

"It has come to my attention that everyone is behaving differently today. Why is this? What has occured that has you all so quiet?"

Everyone was completely silent for a moment. Then Matsuda spoke up.

"W-we're uh... really sorry, Ryuzaki..."

"For what, exactly?"

Soichiro stood up and looked at me. He seemed confused and almost angry. What exactly did I do? Was it possibly something I said?

"Mat-Matsuda was... In the surveillance room this morning... And, well... He informed us that... Well, he alerted me that... you and Light were... Er... well..."

Damn it! Matsuda, you idiot! Why did you have to go and-

"Damn it, Matsuda, you idiot! Why did you have to go and do that?" Light said, sounding irritated, yet managing to keep his voice somewhat calm. Then he stood up. Matsuda flinched. "Look, I promise you guys that it is not what it looks like."

"I know, Light." Soichiro replied. "Look, I came into the surveillance room and... watched the footage from this morning... And... I am sorry, but I had to imform Watari and the rest of the members of the task force as well."

I felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. That's why B was keeping his distance... damn cameras... Watari... The only time I ever lied to him was when it came to B.B. Watari already believed that I had a history of harming myself... I already knew he'd be angry, now. Why, now? I felt like I was going to be sick.

As if on cue, Watari walked in. He looked at me like he was just dissapointed in me. I looked away, not wanting to meet his eyes.

"Ryuzaki," he said. "I am sorry, but we cannot allow you to be alone anymore. Light is no longer the only person who needs to be watched. If we are not around, he will be monitoring you."

No. If that happened, I wouldn't be able to see B again... No. I would not allow it.

"Yeah, we're just worried about you, Ryuzaki," Matsuda said. "So, we're just making sure you'll be oka-"

"Shut up, Matsuda," I interrupted him.

"Huh? Y-yes, sir..."

When did he start calling me sir? Damn it, he was just "being careful", wasn't he?! "I have had enough for the day." I said. "All of you, get back to work, now!" I couldn't believe it, but I was shouting. "Anyone who says or does otherwise will be forced out of here until I allow them in."

Everyone was still and silent. I turned around and typed a few things into the keyboard attached to the surveillance cameras. Without anyone knowing, I disabled the cameras connected to our bedroom and put a lock on them so that even Watari could not get through. Was this unnecessary and childish? Of course. But, I am L. I would not have it any other way. I made sure that none of the cameras were connected, even to Watari's surveillance room. I felt Light tense up beside me. He knew what I was doing. But strangely, he said nothing.

"Light, I apologize in advance, but I am afraid that I must drag you along with me."

I headed over to the floor that Light and I were living in. The walk there was silent.

...

When we got there, I unlocked the handcuffs and locked the two of us into the living room area that was connected to the bedroom. "Say nothing about this. I am going to the restroom. Stay. Here."

Light nodded nervously, but said nothing in response. He looked scared, even worried.

I sighed. "If I promise that I won't harm myself, will you relax?" He nodded. "You have my word." Of course, that probably didn't do much since I often lied to him, anyways. He did seem to relax, though.

I went into to bedroom and then into the bathroom connected to that. I locked the door behind me and proceeded to undress. Then, I climbed into the tub and turned the water on. I relaxed, feeling the warm water as it slowly filled up.

I leaned my head back and sighed, closing my eyes. "Hnn... Beyond..."

"You called?" This time, I was not as startled when I heard him. I self conciously brought my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. "Oh, covering up? As if there's anything I haven't already seen."

I felt my face get hot. He sounded angry with me. I understood, of course. I kissed another man and he had every right to be angry with me. I sat there in silence for a while longer. When the tub was filled enough, I heard the water being shut off. I kept my eyes closed.

Suddenly, I felt someone coming into the tub. That made me open my eyes. I saw Beyond sitting in the same postion as me, right across from me. Was he not wearing clothes this whole time? I felt myself blushing even deeper as I tried to keep my eyes focused on his face. But, I couldn't... I couldn't help but look... His pale skin and slim frame... Athough we looked alike, he did have more muscles than I possessed. His arms were slightly muscular and his chest...

No no no no no. I had to stop this at once.

"Why?!" he hissed, making me flinch. "Why did you kiss that foul, pathetic, arrogant, disgusting excuse for a human being, Lawliet! You're mine."

"Beyond... I..."

"Is there suddenly something wrong with me?" His eyes were black and all I saw in them was anger and pain. "What on Earth could a disgusting little rat have that I myself do not posses?"

"..."

"Well?! What does he possess that I do not have, myself?!" he was shouting at me. I had never seen him like this since our days at the orphanage. Why did he always have to bring up such unwanted memories...

"Answer me, Lawliet!"

"Nothing, Beyond! He has nothing special and you are well aware of that! I... I was curious, alright? I'm sorry..."

Then B caught me by surprise by moving my legs down and sitting on my lap... I tried with all the power I had in me to control myself. He kissed me so forcefully, I felt (and heard) the back of my skull hit the tub painfully. I desperately kissed back, not caring for a moment if this was surrendering to him. I wanted more of this feeling. Without thinking about it, I ground our hips together and bit back a moan. He broke away from me, pinning me against the wall of the tub, still sitting on my lap.

"You belong to me, got it?" I nodded weakly, looking up at him through half lidded eyes. "I love you," he said.

"I... I love you, too."

"Good," he grinned sadistically, his eyes flashing red. "Because I'm not giving you anything more than that kiss for another week."

"W-what?"

"Oh? Is something wrong? Did Lawlipop want to make love? Is that it?" He sneered. I looked away, unable to lie to him and say no. "Hmmn, maybe another time, Lawli-chan-"

"I-I said... Not to call me that...!"

"Yes, you did... But I am still rather angry with you for kissing another man." And just like that, he'd already dissappeared.

I honestly did not know what I was doing anymore.

**A/N: Okay, so I was really exhausted when writing this... That's my crappy excuse. I'm considering adding a lemon to this, but I'm not so sure if I should... If not, well, I'll probably do a one shot lemon later along the way. With that in mind, I'm wondering if I really wanna have to up the rating to M... Well, I don't know. You guys let me know what you think I should do, alright? Thanks for reading!**

**Ja ne!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sorry for the really late update, you guys! I hope you enjoyed the oneshot prequel to L.i.D. if you actually read it! Well, this chapter kinda hints at events in the prequel, but it's not neccessary to read that. Although, please check it out when you get the chance! Enjoy!**

Was I really expected to wait a whole week? This was torture.

When I was working with the rest of the task force, everyone was trying to be careful around me. Here and there, they'd ask me if I was alright and if I needed anything. Matsuda was completely silent and only talked when he was assisting me in any way- which was usually things like getting me another coffee.

Well, I have to admit, I was just a little happy that Matsuda wasn't bothering me as much. Although, I do wish he'd stop calling me "sir". Soichiro was avoiding me at all costs unless he needed to report any possible leads in the Kira case to me. Of course, these "possible leads" usually turned out to be a complete waste of time. I can understand if he felt that awkward around me. I mean, I kissed his son... The boy who was clearly gay to everyone but his own father.

Watari wouldn't even do as much as look in my direction. Matsuda would end up getting me my food instead of him. I didn't like to have Watari being so dissapointed in me... But there was nothing I could do about that. I wanted to see B already so I could just feel better about all this. All I felt right now was guilt. I wanted it to just go away.

Even Light saw me differently. He was just always so worried about me, now. It was getting on my nerves, already. He acted as if I truly was something that he needed to protect. "Light-kun..." I said.

"Yes, Ryuzaki?"

"99%."

" Wait, what? Why? How did you go from 10% to 99%?"

"Well, you were correct yesterday. I was already at 98%. How you guessed the correct number, I am not too sure. But it is now at 99%."

"But why?"

"Because only Kira could be so protective over something he claims to care about."

Light only sighed. Damn it, now he wouldn't even argue with me!

Two days- only two days later- I saw Beyond again. I was taking a bath. I just sat there in the tub, feeling relaxed, with my head leaning back against the tub.

"Hello, Lawliet."

My eyes snapped open and my head moved forward to see Beyond standing in front of the tub, naked. I made sure to keep eye contact with him.

"Hey, let me in, won't you?" he asked.

I lifted my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them so he could climb in. Once he got in, he sat down in front of me in the tub with his legs crossed. His arms were crossed over his chest. Again, I tried my best to only look at his eyes... His glowing red eyes...

"What are you doing here, Beyond?" I asked. "I thought you said you would not be here again until next week."

"Hn, incorrect, Lawlipop. I said that I was not going to give you anything more than that little kiss for a whole week. Now, you just have to suffer with this."

_"Why?!"_ _  
_

I was glaring at him as he stared me down with a sadistic grin on his face.

"Because you kissed Yagami-san. KISSED him! That is why!" he said through gritted teeth. "You. Belong. To. Me!"

"It was one kiss, Beyond! It did not even mean anything to me."

"You still did it, Lawliet. And that is something I cannot forgive so easily."

"And what about you?!" I snapped. He got quiet for a moment. The red colour in his eyes was dimming, but not yet going out.

"I have no idea what you are talking about, Lawliet. What are you trying to imply here?"

"Do not start with all of that! You are well aware of what I am talking about here."

"I do not."

I sighed. "Then what of your relationship with A, then?! What about that?"

He was silent.

"Remember when I came back to Wammy's house to check the progress of both you and A? You had made it perfectly clear that you'd found a new doll to play with, B. You even made sure that I knew about that."

"That... I only kissed his cheek to make a point!"

"When I was there! What about when I was gone?! By the way he reacted, I knew that he was used to it. You found another doll to play with and didn't even care about how I'd felt. I kissed Light once out of confusion and yet, you think you have the right to treat me like this?"

"..."

"And I don't even want to know the things that you probably did with him..." My chest started to ache as I said it. "You... You have no idea... What pain I experienced after witnessing that, Beyond. No idea, what so ever."

"Lawliet..."

"..."

"Lawliet, you know that I love you. A was not even a doll to me. He was a pet, and nothing more to me."

"..."

"A-and even if he was a doll, he broke so soon! You're a doll that never brakes." Was that supposed to be a... compliment...? What the Hell!

"..."

"Lawliet, please say something."

"... Did... Did you ever... Sleep with him?" I already knew the answer to that. But I had to ask. He said nothing. "Answer me."

"Yes, Lawliet. I did."

I quickly stood up and and got out of the tub, pulling the plug out so that the tub would drain.

"Lawliet?"

I just ignored him. I got myself a clean towel off the rack and wrapped it around my waist. It figures! I knew that happened. I just never wanted to accept such a thing.

"Lawliet..."

I felt a single tear running down my right cheek. I wasn't going to attempt getting rid of it because Beyond would notice. I went over to the door. Before I had the chance to open it, I felt Beyond pull me back, holding me by the shoulders. I was turned around and pushed up against the door.

Beyond's eyes were sad and full of regret. "Please, Lawliet. Forgive me. I was but a... foolish child back then. I was angry about the possibility of being your successor and even more angry that you left me... I... I am truly sorry, L."

"Just go, B. I do not wish to believe such lies anymore. I am tired of losing to you, already. I will not admit defeat this time! I am in enough pain as it is. Now please... Let go of me."

"No!" His grip on me got even tighter. I felt another tear escape. Damn it. "Lawliet?"

I just looked down and said nothing at all. I felt more tears escape. This was just humilliating. My body was shaking... I hated this, for perhaps the hundredth time. I was not supposed to let anyone ever see me cry. But now, Beyond was watching me as I continued to silently cry.

Then, he was holding me close. I didn't do anything. I just continued to cry. I did not want to be here at all. Beyond did nothing to make me feel anything but empty. I just wanted him to leave already.

He pulled back, then leaned in and kissed me. There was no roughness in the kiss. There was no pain. That was all I wanted was for him to hurt me just like he always did. But he was being gentle- as if I was suddenly something so fragile. It angered me. Everyone was treating me as if I was a fragile little child! Beyond knew me well enough to know I wasn't, yet he was doing this?! Did he really think I was that weak, now?

I turned away from him, releasing myself from his grip and got lower to the ground before performing a capoeira kick to his face the same way I did with Light. He fell back, landing on his behind. He looked up at me with complete and utter shock on his face.

"I hate you Beyond Birthday."

And with that, I turned and left.

**A/N: Okay, guys I feel so guilty, now! Not only because this chapter is so late, but also because it's so damn short! Only... 1,387 words, not including the Author's Notes! DX I AM SO SORRY, GUYS! Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. What do you think will happen next? O.0 Well, please review! Thank you guys for all your support so far!**

**Ja ne!**


	7. Chapter 7

Author's** Note: That's right, my lovely followers, readers, reviewers, and... favorite... ers? I am not dead! CX Thank you guys for sticking with me so far and I am sooooo sooorryyyy for the long assed wait! UGH! If I didn't get back to you and you reviewed, I'm sorry! I really meant to. Oh! A guest reviewer asked some questions in their review and so I decided to answer them in this A/N. First off, the characters come from both the anime and manga. They're from both... Although I never got to finish reading the manga. T^T Anywho... oh, except for Beyond Birthday. He's from Death Note: Another Note. If you haven't read it yet, then I highly recommend that you do! Matsuda... is definitely a guy. ^^' Although the thought of him as a girl made me giggle like crazy. CX Anywho... thanks guys for supporting my stories! Seriously, things are really starting to get bad over here... I broke down in the middle of class the yesterday and I was really embarassed about it... I was hiding my face the whole time. :( I'm lucky I had a friend in that class who noticed. She was really nice to me when I needed it. Well, enough venting because this is a long A/N already.**

**WARNINGS: You may or may not have noticed that the rating for this has been bumped up to rated M. That's because... well, obvious reasons. Time for a juicy scene! XD Oh, there's a tad bit more L and Light, but it ends soon and that's not the scene I'm referring to so don't worry. ^_^**

**Enjoy!**

Two whole weeks had gone by and I still didn't see Beyond after that. I've decided that I no longer care whether I see him or not. Things were much easier without him in my life. I had to focus on the Kira case! Catching Kira was all I cared about at this point. Well, perhaps that was a lie. But I had no choice but to believe such a lie.

So I went on, showing no emotion at all and not caring about anything but the case at hand. I'd catch Kira and then... And then... and then I'd move on to the next case. Did I really want that? What am I saying? There are people who need me. You know, there are plenty of unsolvable cases going on right now. People are dying and no one can stop it. There are plenty of people trying to reach me, hoping that L can save them... But... Because of this case, I cannot afford to worry about other cases right now.

I used to be able to work on at least three cases at once. But now, I must devote all of my time to the Kira case. I will solve this. And if I have to, I will put Light Yagami behind bars. I do not need Beyond for that. I do not need... revenge... I don't need to... no. I cannot be having second thoughts! I truly do not even care. I do not need Beyond Birthday in my life, damn it.

"Uhm, Ryuzaki?" Light asked.

"For the last time, Light-kun, I am just fine," came my reply.

"Then..." He got closer to me and whispered, "Why are you crying?"

I hadn't even realized it myself. But then I noticed that he was, in fact, correct. There were tears streaming down my face. Damn it! I knew I needed Beyond... I needed his bites... the gentle hugs, the rough, stolen kisses... The scratches and cuts... his bony fingers running through my own hair... His big obsidian eyes that matched my own perfectly to look me in the eyes as he tells me that he still... loves me... I needed Beyond... I'd feel better if only I could feel his touch again...

I put my protective walls down and now I could not bring myself to jusy bring them back up... I need Beyond... I must have said that enough times already, but still... But, of course, I'd never admit how weak I was without him.

"I am fine," I whispered back. I slowly wiped my tears off so that no one else in the task force would notice. "I would like to go up and shower though, if you do not mind."

"You're not going to hurt yourself, right?"

"Of course not, Light-kun."

"Okay, then."

We headed back upstairs and no one even bothered to question it at this point. Once we were in the elevator, Light shoved me against the doors of it, pinning my shoulders down.

"Ryuzaki, please tell me what's wrong."

"It is nothing, Light-kun," I replied. "Now please just let me go."

"Ryuzaki, I'm worried about you."

"I do not care. There is nothing to be worried about."

"Just tell me why you're so depressed!" he shouted, almost making me flinch.

"If I told you, then you would not believe me!" I shouted back.

Just then, the doors opened up behind me and we both fell back. I was on the floor, lying on my back, with him right on top of me. Our bodies were against one another and I felt Light shiver. His hands were both on either side of my head. The back of my head was hurting as well as my forehead was, meaning our foreheads must have bumped into one another.

That is when I made, yet another, foolish decision. I decided that I'd just have to get over Beyond. I'd move on to someone else. I mean, how hard could that be really? And who even cared if Beyond saw me with someone else? No way was he going to come back for me anytime soon. At least, that's what I was willing to believe at the moment.

"R-Ryuzaki!" Light actually stuttered of all things. "I... I am so sorry! I... I shouldn't have..."

He never got to finish that sentence as I cut him off by pulling him down further into me. I placed my lips against his and tried like crazy to actually feel something. I felt him shift our bodies so that we were further away from the elevator, allowing it to close. After that, Light was kissing me back.

I felt one hand behind my neck and another going through my hair. Then, I felt him part my lips with his tongue. Our tongues danced and I even allowed him dominance. I combed my fingers through his hair and he moaned against my mouth. Try as I may, I just could not feel anything.

I pushed Light away and he looked down at me, his eyes half lidded, his breathing labored, and with a confused, dazed look on his face.

"Ryuzaki?" he asked. I said nothing. "Ryuzaki... look at me..." I hadn't realized I was avoiding his gaze, but I did as told.

"Ryuzaki, who is it that you're trying to forget?"

"Excuse me?"

"I..." he looked away for a moment with an ashamed look on his face. "I've done the same thing to Misa..." he looked back at me. "Ryuzaki, I know that you're aware of how I... feel... and I know that you will never feel the same. So... when..." he looked away again. "When I'm just trying to forget you for even five minutes, I get... intimate with Misa like this... I-I know what it feels like when someone is faking their way through."

He looked back down at me. "I don't like being used, Ryuzaki. Just who is it that you're trying to forget, huh?"

"... Beyond Birthday..." I admitted.

Light sighed and stood up. Then he held out his hand for me to grab. I took it and he helped me up. He pulled me into a warm hug.

"Ryuzaki, I... I love you," he said. "But I just can't do this if it's not what you really want. It's wrong.. And you'll never be satisfied this way..."

He kissed my cheek and walked ahead of me. I felt a tug of sympathy and a small amount of pity for him because I knew he spoke from experience. I followed him as he lead me into the living room. He closed the door and locked it behind us.

"Go take your shower, okay?" he said.

I nodded before taking the handcuffs off and going into our room. Upon going in there, I heard a muffled "Why did I do that?!" through the door. Had I been ina better mood, I would have chuckled. I went into the bathroom and locked the door behind me before taking my clothes off and turning the shower on. I threw my clothes on the floor and went into the warm shower. I thought of (you guessed it!) Beyond.

All I wanted was to feel his nails ripping open my flesh again... To feel his tongue against mine and lapping up blood from my body... To feel his hands all over me and pulling out my hair... I wanted his teeth to leave marks everywhere and to make me bleed... I no longer cared how wrong that was! I would accept any pain, so long as Beyond was the one inflicting it. But I also wanted to feel him holding me close... gentle kisses... I desired his affection just as much as I desired the pain.

I realized upon looking down at myself that the thought of it all excited me a little too much... I sighed.

I pressed the nails of my left hand into the meat of my palm, drawing blood. I gasped and closed my eyes I used my other hand and grasped myself firmly, letting out a low moan. I thought of Beyond... I imagined him being the one to hurt me like this... I thought of all the things we could have been doing, had I permitted it to happen. I continued to pump myselfbup and down over and over again... I was starting to feel really hot...

"Beyond..." I moaned out. "Hnghh... Beyond..."

I felt a spreading heat in the pit of my stomach and my groin as my movements sped up.

"Beyond..."

"Yes?"

My eyes snapped open as I saw him standing in front of me, wearing nothing at all. I felt my face heat up as I realized that he'd caught me doing something like this. He looked down and looked as if he were trying to hold back a smile.

"... Lawliet, I shall do you this one favor, alright?"

"What...?"

He kneeled down in front of me and grabbed a hold of my hips. I felt him breathe slowly on my erection, making me shudder. He pulled my hand off and moved it to my side before holding on to my hip once more. He placed his mouth around the tip of my penis and swirled his tongue around it, biting me lightly. He dug his nails into my hips, drawing blood.

"Beyond!" I gasped, feeling more pleasure than pain at the moment.

He didn't respond. He only continued to lick... He then started to actually suck hard as he took my whole penis into his mouth and started to fondle my balls. I cried out his name in pleasure and fisted my hands in his hair, pulling him as far down as possible. He hummed and I found myself on the edge of climax.

"Beyond! Nnng... BEYOND!" I called out as I came into his mouth. He drank up every last bit. As he pulled away, I couldn't bring myself to stand any longer. I slid down to the floor of the tub as Beyond held me closely to him.

"I still love you, L," he said. I only nodded in response as I wrapped my arms around his waist, panting just a little. "Do you forgive me?"

I thought for a moment before saying, "Not completely."

"Percentage?"

"... 80%."

"That is all I need... Now... please tell me you are not planning on getting... intimate with Yagami..."

I looked up at him, into sad, dark eyes. "What?"

"I... L, I saw you in the hallway before you came in here... I almost wanted to rip him off of you." I felt my face heat up. "Are you becoming intimate with that... that _boy, _all so you could... push me away?"

"Beyond... No, I am not intimate with Raito-ku- Yagami-san." I corrected myself. "I am... still... I still..." I could not bring myself to say what I wanted to tell him. I was still... hurt over everything that had happened lately. It is difficult to trust people so easily. Even if it is someone I care for this much. He waited patiently though, as if he knew what I was trying to say. "... I still... love you..."

He actually... smiled at me. "And I love you," he replied.

Then, I realized something. "Beyond... I need to... solve the Kira case. And I cannot do that if..."

"If... I am around to interfere, correct?" he finished for me, sounding just a little hurt.

"Yes. I apoligize, Beyond. But it is of utmost importance that I finish this case. I cannot put my own needs first." I looked down. "I decided that when I became L..."

He lifted my head up so that I was looking up into big black eyes. Around the edges, there was a slight red tint.

"I will leave, Lawliet..." he stood up and turned to get out of the tub. I grabbbed his hand, stopping him. I was close to letting tears out, but I was not about to cry. Because I was not lose B again. I gripped his hand tighter.

"Do not just leave," I muttered. "Do not leave me behind. I cannot take the torture of not knowing when I will see you next... I-I... please just stay a little longer.."

"L." He turned around and crouched back down to my level. He grabbed my face and pulled me in closer, bringing his lips to my own. He was kissing me so... gently. And for once, I enjoyed how gentle he was being with me. I kissed back, never wishing to move from that spot. He broke the kiss and began speaking to me in a soothing voice.

"L... I shall come back as soon as you catch Kira. I promis that I will, no matter what happens. I will see you again. So catch him, no matter what it takes. Put him behind bars. Promise me you will, L."

I nodded. "I promise, B. I will not fail." I said as I became determined once again.

"I love you."

"I... love you, too." I do not get how he could say it so easily.

He grinned and I suddenly remembered that picture of him in his files from back at Wammy's. This was the B that I remembered. I found myself smiling back.

"Until then," he said. I nodded as he just slowly faded away. I was ready to finish things, now. My motivation was back, no- L was back. And I was definitely sure of one thing.

I was going to catch Kira.

**So, earlier today, I was just sitting there all depressed and whiney when I got a review from a guest reviewer. I started this chapter last week and didn't finish typing it until now. It's actually almost 12 am and I just got through an epsiode of Soul Eater. Poor Crona! (I think I spelled it wrong! XP)**

**But when I saw this review from a random gueat reviewer, I got so happy. ^.^ No need to worry, I won't end it like that. I hate endings like that. Whoever you are, you made my day. Seriously, I was motivated again and I wanted to get this chapter done all of a sudden. Thank you! This chapter is dedicated to you. Thank you to everyone else who has been reading and reviewing and following and favorite... ing(?). It means so much to me.**

**And I forgot to mention, the cover art for this fic is a drawing I did of L so please tell me what you guys think if it! That's all I could think to say for now! Thanks for reading!**

**Ja ne~!**


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